So, I am pleased to report a lovely raining sound coming in my skylight. In fact, I think I need to go record it. There. 5 minutes of good rain, and now I'm listening to see if I'll be able to hear the spring peepers in the background that began shouting their first peeps of the year! This is a long overdue fulfillment of a promise I made to a friend who said he'd like to have a recording of rain.

Here's something I've been wanting to write about:

"Lord, help me

be

the one You're making me...

Lord, help me

see

the one You're making me---one You're making me...."--Downhere

Downhere's self-titled album has been my favorite in the car lately, resounding the themes of my heart, as not long ago, So Much For Substitutes did.

Lord... help me be the one You're making me... I have never felt more earnest in my quest, though at times I more adamantly pursued more "obviously" mission-oriented things. What I am pursuing now is to work hard at what I do, with a mission mindset. Surrendering not just the direction of my life, but little daily things that I feel are nasty little parts of me, but I now know the Holy Spirit can work on, apart from my abilities! Outbursts of frustration, even when they're just in my head. Fears. The self hatred that knocks at the door when I remember something I said imperfectly. Sometimes the fist of my own self is holding onto fear or anger-- and that too, I surrender. In surrender the heart relaxes and says, Wow, You really mean this? You really mean you died to take this all away? You really forgive me? I really don't need to clench my shoulders in defiance? for there's nothing better than Your healing hand--I don't have to understand what You're doing, because I can be certain it's good.... I'd say that's worth it! Peace of heart. My Father, as I walk, is watching and guiding me. He gave me senses, but he also knows their limits. So I'll use my senses... and trust Him.

"Curious, the child tugs the fingers of the bigger--he wants to see the face that is his own; he's not alone.

Lord, help me

be

the one you're making me."--Downhere

----

Another realization...... scribbled down at work the other day,

"No shame following someone's lead

if you feel you'd be happy to do it if you thought of it yourself."

A.K.A. Don't cripple yourself by insisted on 100% originality. There's no such thing. And doing something because it makes sense is not the same as blindly imitating. Following is not bad. It's what you follow.